ONE SHOT #1
"Gee...I think I missed a spot...oh wait...this isn't hair...it's guilt."
FUCK YOU JOHNNY DAMON, YOU FUCKING SELL OUT.
WWJD (past)-What Would Jesus Do?
WWJD (present)-What Would Johnny Damon?
WWJD (future)-Who Wants Johnny Damon?
Ass. Have fun in the Evil Empire, Darth Assclown.
'05 YEAR-ENDERS PART TWO OF TEN
Well, this one jumps up the order a bit, but we'll do it now since it just happened. Katie just left. Dave left Friday. Very hard to see both of them go, as they take a combined 10 years of friendship with them. That's a tough chunk to swallow. This post isn't going to relect personal memories, just want to check some numbers here...
99-00 West Hall
Dan, Brandon, Joe Y, Marco, FDM
00-01 West Hall
Dan (roommate), Brandon, Joe Y, Marco, FDM, Katie, Joe C
01-02 AP Spalding
Dan, Joe Y, Marco, FDM, Katie, Joe C, Dave, Monica, Michelle
02-03 RA Spalding
Joe Y, Marco, FDM, Katie, Joe C, Dave, Monica, Karen, Michelle, Lindsay
03-04 Summit St.
Joe Y, Marco, FDM, Katie, Joe C, Dave, Monica, Karen, Lindsay
04-05 Preserve Dr.
FDM, Katie, Dave, Monica, Karen, Lindsay, Nate, Matt, Lars, Jamie, Danielle, Dan
05
Katie, Dave, Karen, Nate, Matt, Lars, Jamie, Danielle, Dan
06?
Karen, Nate, Matt, Lars, Jamie, Danielle, Dan
I'm almost out of old friends here in Marquette. I knew this day was coming, but its still my choice to stay here and see everyone off. That's who I am, and that's who I'll always want to be. I love my friend dearly. I know I suck at long distance friendship, but I miss each of you on here and more that I probably forgot to mention. '06 is going to be weird...
There's always stars in the sky although you might have to rise above the rain clouds to see them...
Cody
Hello everyone, and welcome to my annual little diddy, that I like to call the Year-Enders. This will be the first of ten intsallments that will recap everything Cody over the course of the year. But of course I can't undertake such a large project by myself, that's why I've asked three very special guests to serve as co-hosts for this little endeavor. You'll know them as the stars of sports, television, and music. I'm sure a few other guest stars and presenters will show up along the way. Let's get started, shall we?
THE 2005 YEAR-ENDER AWARDS--EDITION ONE, MUSIC
Okay, let's get things underway, and we'll start off with the award for Best New Band. Let's go up to the stage where our first two presenters are waiting...
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ric Flair here, coming at ya from the lovely city of Mar-WHOO-Quette Michigan. Lemme tell ya, the Nature Boy has been all over the globe. I've fought in bingo halls, Japan, Santa Fe, but I've never even heard of Marquette. WHOO! But still, Cody asked me to do this as a special favor to him, so I agreed. WHOOO! Let us not forget one of my cohosts for the evening, you might know him as a whiney little bitch, the kind I usually beat up, but here he is...Axl Rose!
Rose-Thanks Ric, but if you say an-an-an-an-anything like that again, I'll have to kick your ass. Anyway, since I'm here I just want to say Velvet Revolver sucks and keep an eye out for the new Guns'n'Roses CD "Chinese Democracy" due out as soon as China actually starts looking like one. That being said...in the catagory of Best New Band the award goes to...FALL OUT BOY!
Flair-That's right, WHOOO! Fall Out Boy wins with their infectious CD "From Under the Cork Tree", which features the damn catchy "Sugar, WHOOO, We're Going Down" and the even catchier "Dance, Dance". Truly a great CD, from start to finish.
Rose-I used to have a great band too. You hear me Velvet Revolver!? This ones for you! 
Cody-Uh, yeah, anyway on to our next award, presented by Captain Kirk and Ric Flair.
Kirk-Thank you all...its...a...pleasure...to...be...here. 
Flair-Of course the only difference is that I get the ladies in real life too.
Kirk-What's that supposed to mean?
Flair-Oh...nothing. Anyway time to give out the award for Best Dance/Catchiest CD.
Kirk-And the award goes too...Gorillaz! for their CD "Demon Days"
Flair-Good thing we didn't invite Charlton Heston hey, Kirk?
Kirk-Why?
Flair-You know...damn dirty apes and all...
Kirk-I don't follow.
Flair-Nevermind. Let's head back up to Cody, with the introduction of our next two presenters.
Cody-Ladies and gentlemen, here to present the award for Best Band Name are Axl Rose and guest presenter Carmen Electra.
Rose-Holy wowsa! You look smoking babe. How-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow about we get in my dressing room after this?
Electra-Maybe if this was 1987...you know...when people cared about you.
Rose-You little bitch! I outta call up my boys and...and...
Electra-Yeah, you go have fun with that. Anyway, we're here to give the award for the Best Band Name. It was a hard decision this year, with annual favorites such as Pissing Razors and Barenaked Ladies taking a backseat this year to the hottest sounding...and possibly hottest looking group no the planet...
Rose-...Guns'n'Roses!
Electra-You only wish. THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS! 
Electra-Congratulations ladies!
Rose-Yowsa, those chicks are hot-t-t-t-t-t! Back to Cody.
Cody-Oh my...anyways, moving right along. Next up is a very, very special award that was included at the last minute. Here to present it are Captain Kirk and special guest presenter Boy George of Culture Club.
Kirk-So, Mr. George, what exactly is it that you are known for?
George-Haha, I could tell you but then I'd have to spank you. And you might like that too much!
Kirk-Now see here...I don't know who you've been talking to, but I'm not into that kinda thing.
George-Don't turn into a Mr. Frowny pants now. I won't tell you who I heard that from, but his name rhymes with Mr. Bulu.
Kirk-Sulu...I...should...have...known.
George-Anyway, the award for Person That I Had Almost Forgotten About, But Someone Remineded Me of Them Much To My Distain goes to...
Kirk-Kahn. That bastard.
George-No. Actually its MR. WESLEY WILLIS And as a special treat, we have him live via satellite to sing a song for you Captain Kirk.
Kirk-Who?
Willis-Captain Kirk...say ROCK!
Kirk-Is this guy for real?
George-Just do it.
Kirk-Uhh...
Willis-SAY ROCK!
Kirk-...rock?
Willis-Good, now say ROLL!
Kirk-Roll?
Willis-Excellent, here's a little diddy for ya...
Kirk really whoops a donkey's ass.
Kirk really whoops a camel's ass.
You make the joyride music.
I like Kirk a lot.
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
Kirk really whoops a donkey's ass.
I like you well.
Kirk is excellent.
You are a captain star.
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
KIRK!!!
You can really get in the groove.
You really whoop a llama's ass.
I like you a lot in the long run.
You really whoop a llama's ass.
Rock over London,
Rock on Chicago.
Folgers - it's good to the last drop.
George-Wasn't that absolutely delightful!?
Kirk-Fleming, you owe me big time.
Cody-Moving right along...Axl Rose and Ric Flair with Best Comback
Flair-I know a thing or two about comebacks, Fleming, so this award is right up my alley. What's your excuse Rose?
Rose-Whaddya mean?
Flair-You were the biggest band on the planet...twice...and then your ego got in the way.
Rose-We couldn't even fit your ego in this room Flair...
Flair-We couldn't even fit yours in this country Rose...
Rose-OH YEAH, I'LL TAKE YOU DOWN...
Flair-Yeah, down where?
Rose-...TO THE PARADISE CITY, WHE--
Flair-And the award for Best Comeback goes to...DISTURBED!
Rose-...AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY...
Flair-Back to you Cody
Cody-Next up is the award for Best CD I Didn't Listen To When It Was New, and here to present the award, Captain Kirk and Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.
Kirk-So, what is it you do Cesare?
Cesare-...
Kirk-Come on, cat got your tongue?
Cesare-...
Kirk-Look, you better talk Mr.
Cesare-...
Kirk-(shaking violently)
Cody-That's his gimmick...he's asleep.
Kirk-What...do...you...mean?
Cody-He's a somnambulist, a sleepwalker.
Kirk-Ok...then...God, this show is weird. Anyway, Best CD I Didn't Listen To When It Was New goes to Damien Rice for his CD "O". Congratulations!
Cesare-...
Kirk-Back to Cody.
Cody-Next up is our Supergroup/Collaboration Award. And here to present are Axl Rose and special guest presenter Captain Spaulding!
Spaulding-Well fuck me, look what we got here!
Rose-A clown? They have me on stage with a clown? Jesus.
Spaulding-I'll let that pass, so I don't have to kill ya! This one actually came right down to the wire. But in the end, for the award for Supergroup/Collaboration Award we picked VELVET REVOLVER.
Rose-What the fuck?! NOOOOOO!
Spaulding-Fraid so asshole!
Rose-Fuck this, I'm outties, take your program and shove it Fleming.
Spaulding-Well, shit the brick! Nobody walks off stage before Captain Spaulding leaves! Come here you little turd burgler!
(fighting ensues)
Spaulding-No more funny jackass! Back to you Fleming!
Cody-Uh...I think Rose is dead, and Spaulding is on his way to jail...how about we recap more of awards we didnt' have time to show on the program...
AUDIOSLAVE for Best CD That Was Over Average
COLDPLAY for Sounded Exactly Like Their Other CD's...But That's A Good Thing
DAVE MATTHEWS for This Guy Is Still A Douche, And Probably Always Will Be
FOO FIGHTERS for ALMOST WINNING SONG OF THE YEAR with their hit "Best of You"
Cody-Ok, back again, and its time ladies and gentlemen...time for the BIG THREE awards in music 2005. Here to present the final three awards are our remaining two presenters...The Nature Boy Ric Flair and Captain James Tiberius Kirk.
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOO! This is it! The 'Big Three'! WHOOOO!
Kirk-Time to put away the kiddies...its...about...to...get...heavy.
Flair-WHOOOO! First up! Album of the Year. WHOOO!
Kirk-Tough choices this year, but in the end...drumroll please.
Flair-(goes crazy and starts punching the podium)
Kirk-IN LOVE AND DEATH by The Used!
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (dances more)
Kirk-That leaves us TWO more!
Flair-(sweating and panting, but still strutting) WHOOOOOO! TWO MORE!!!!! WHOOO!!
Kirk-Next up is Song of the Year. We don't even know if this was a single or not...but...here it is...
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kirk-It goes to Everything Changes by Staind!
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (grasps at his heart, but keeps dancing) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kirk-This is it...the big one...
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--(coughs up blood)--OOOOOOOOOOOO!
Cody-Is he okay?
Kirk-Oh, yeah, he's fine. Here we go Band/Artist of the Year. Any guesses?
Cody-Well I know...I made the choices.
Kirk-Oh yeah. Flair?
Flair-(eyes glazed over) WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kirk-Okay then, without further ado...Band/Artist of the Year goes to My Chemical Romance!
Flair-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--(collapses)
Kirk-McCoy, on the double!
Cody-Jesus, Shatner, this isn't a tv show, call 911!
Kirk-Maybe...Rescue...911? HA!
Cody-Nevermind I'll do it.
Well that wraps up Part 1 of 10, that got out of hand real fast didn't it now? Feel free to leave as many comments as you wish!. Tune in soon...real soon for
THE '05 YEAR-ENDER AWARDS!
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