Current Mood-Hyperelaxed
Current Music-Guns 'n' Roses-Live Era '87-'93 (Both CDs)

Well break was good, but tonight is going to suck ass. I have to turn in over 200 pages of semester work tomorrow at 8am. The good news is that I have most of it done, but still will be a long night tonight.

1. It was very comforting to be home for a break. The five days at home doubled the amount since New Years!
2. Bringing Lindsay home with me was a blast as well. I have always wanted to bring someone home with me for a holiday, and was finally able to do so.
3. Well, I finally went to my favorite toy store in the Alpena Mall, but alas, I didn't buy anything. It almost made it not worth it to...
4. ...wake up at 4:30 am to drive to the stores for the big after Thanksgiving Day rush. My god people are crazy. Which brings me to
5. How stupid are people when snow comes? Well if your on the road, pretty damn stupid. They pass when they don't have room or time, or they drive like 10 miles a friggin hour.
6. Mario Kart kicks ass! I am officially re-hooked. Last night Lindsay and I played, and I ripped through the mirror courses. The game is officially UNLOCKED! Whoop whoop. I got 13 out of 16 firsts on the mirror courses the first time I played it, and it was by far the best I have ever played.
7. Well, at 8am tomorrow in Magers Hall is my Final Education Review. I have about 200 pages due tomorrow, and will be up most of the damn night working on it.
8. Happiness was getting about 160 dollars from my family for my birthday! (will help to start paying off X-Mas presents and that pesky 600 dollar single room fee for next semester)
9. Well, it looks like our holiday party is coming along nicely! If you would like to be in the Secret Santa, let me know by Tuesday night.
10. We will be conducting and M. Night Shaymalan film festival sometime in the next week.
11. I hit a freaking pole with my car on the way home today, scaring the shit out of Lindsay and I...lucky, you can't see any damage. But it was still scary and enough to make someone pissy...that's for sure.
12. As if my holiday couldn't have any more downers, I got mild strep throat this whole week. I am still getting over it. Not much fun not being able to breath, or talk, or laugh, etc. And a nasty cough on top of that.

13. Finally, I wish to acknowledge someone. You know who you are. I haven't had any personal contact with you, nor do I feel there should be any. And lord knows after the whole thing with Puffy and Lindsey Rizzi, it would take a lot for me to post anything acknowledging anyone. I didn't then, nor did I to many other on-line journals that occasionally use me as a topic, but today I am in a "I know what life is about, and I know who doesn't get it" kinda mood, so that being said, STOP FEEDING YOUR DAMN EGO. I'm serious. The just plain stupid accusations you are throwing out there are flattering no one but yourself. If you can't see what you sound like, then just stop talking, cause it makes you out to be a real ass. I have no hard feelings towards you, but stop trying to uncover some god-awful conspiracy that never happened. Sometimes things just happen, and you won't have control over the situation. And don't for one second criticize me about not knowing what it feels like or any stuff like that, cause I've been down all the roads you whine about, believe me. So please, stop trying to bring significance to your life by making off the wall comments that I hope even you don't believe. I understand your theory, "throw shit to the wall and hope something sticks", I've been there too. But seriously now, stop before you end up screwing with your own head any more than you already have.

I'm outties, later,

Cody

13 POINTSCurrent Mood-Stressed
Current Music-Slipknot-Slipknot (The whole CD, but specifically "Wait and Bleed" and "Spit it Out")
Tori Amos-Tales of a Librarian (The whole CD, but noteably "Precious Things" and "Cornflake Girl"

Well, not a real post as it would appear. Well maybe. Just kinda updates I guess.
Let's see here.

1. It was awesome having the place to myself this weekend, and having Lindsay over, this is in contrast to just being alone, which sucks.
2. My birthday party was awesome, thanks to Joe Y, Marco, Karen, Monica, Cory, and especially Katie and Lindsay.
3. My birthday cake (a race track with two actual cars crashing) was beyond awesome! First time I ever really laughed at a cake of my own.
4. Thank you to Lindsay who bought me the newly released Tori Amos double CD/DVD, Tales of a Librarian. She's quickly becoming one of my favorite artists, and I already have 9 of her albums, that's more than I can say for anyone else.
5. Well we played retro Clue and Trivial Pursuit on my birthday...even though I lost both, it was fun.
6. We went to my movie I waited two months for on my birthday also, Gothika. It was a good movie, and I wasn't disappointed.
7. This is an expensive week, as I will drop 130 on education tests, 450 on car insurance, and 100 on license plates, which brings us to number 8...
8. THE "BIG CHIEF" MOBILE IS NO MORE. I decided to not renew the plates that once gained my car fame, instead reflecting more of who I am now...get ready for the SCHISM!
9. Happiness is going home in a few days, and FINALLY bringing someone home to Thanksgiving dinner. Lindsay and I are leaving around 12:30 on Wednesday. I have only been home....6 days this year I think. So it will be exciting.
10. Today for dinner, I treated Lindsay to Applebees. While sitting at the bar, I realized that it was the first time we had a real 'date' one on one. It was really cool, getting to know someone and their childhoods, memories, etc., and already know that you are good together.
11. I have a million things to do tomorrow ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. I have a full load from 7am to 920pm. What a fucking birthday present that is.
12. Well Mario Kart is fun, but I need to take a sabbatical for now. I can't take any more bullshit.
13. I think that's it for now...as you can tell by my musical choices, I am very peaceful, and yet very stressed!

Laters,

Cody

Current Mood-Happy/Sad/Angry
Current Songs-The Used-The Used (the whole CD, but specifically "The Taste of Ink", "Buried Myself Alive", and "A Box Full of Sharp Objects")

Well updates aren't coming as soon as I would have thought, and its funny, cause usually I have to find music that inspires me to write now. Oh well, I assure you all that those next three entries are coming, but to tell you the truth, I am not positive what I want to say about the first two yet. My feelings change by the minute on both Lindsay and Michelle, but they are both things that I want to vent about, and by god, I will vent about them soon--just as soon as I figure out how I completely feel.

*Side note...one person did take me up on responding last week, and it was my dear friend Katie. Some of the kindest words I have ever seen in print were on that e-mail, so I decided to share with everyone those words that actually made me cry.
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I just got done reading your journal. It made me really sad/happy. I realized how you are such a big part of my life. You have no idea what you have done for me. You have helped me become more open to myself and other people. And I really thank you for that. I'm so glad that we can be such close friends.

Our lives are taking us in separate ways. I have to pursue my dreams. There is a whole other world out there for me. As there is for you. But I have a feeling that we will keep in touch. Well, at least we better. When you leave it will be sadder than Cristen leaving, than Scott leaving, and believe it or not, sadder than Jenn leaving. That is how much you mean to me. I love you. Although it is a different love than when it started it still counts just as much. I know you will always be there for me and I will always be there for you. We will always that a connection.

I don't know how many people tell you this, but I decided that you probably don't hear it enough. I look up to you. With everything that you have accomplished here at Northern, it just blows me away. I am so proud of you. You are going to make a GREAT teacher. And I also believe that you are ready. I just wish that I could be there to see it.

Well, I had to do this. And after reading you journal I thought that it was perfect timing. I am off to run my errands. Have a good weekend and I will see you when I get home.
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Thank you so much Katie...you have no idea what that means to me...no one probably does...except me.

For now here's a list of things that are fighting on my mind...

THE GOOD
-Great Weekend with Friends
-I Have an Interview in Ishpeming on Wednesday to student teach.
-Things with Lindsay are progressing overall nicely, this weekend was the first time I really felt as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend and not just dating
-Happy memories of old times
-Mario Kart FINALLY comes out Tuesday...or is it Monday...Hehehehe
-Finally had Trey Parker/Matt Stone appreciation night: Cannibal the Musical, Orgazmo, and Baseketball, attendence was good...with a total attendence of 7 for the night
-Putting up my spiffy new Christmas tree in the apartment
-My Birthday is coming soon, I guess that's sorta happy news, although I haven't cared about a birthday since 21, where I could flaunt that I was 'of age to drink' but that I chose to be 'of age to not be a fucking stupid asshole drunk bastard, who would be the same type of person that would annoy the FUCK out of me, cause they lead such a pathetically superficial life that they think the pressure or "pleasure" of "drinking" will make more of their life'. FUCK THAT. Gee...kinda turned that one into a bad one...didn't I. hehehe.

THE BAD
-I don't know for sure if I will be student teaching in Ishpeming...and if not...things are grim looking
-I HATE how people feel the need to backlash against everything they once had in life...just to be free doesn't mean to be A-an ass and B-completely the opposite of everything you once had that others admired in you
-people that are asses
-Life changing quickly
-Having to pay for two education tests ($130) and now finding out that I may have to take 3 or 4 of the fucking things ($240)
-My asshat of a roommate Joe who left Bijou in her ball, and I came home to find out that she ate through the ball, through her bag of food, and sampled a lifesaver. Luckily, she decided to not paratroop off the dresser, and was still there when I got home. (nah...I still love ya puffy)
-I miss some of my friends, and sadly, not the ones from high school, or someplace else, I'm talking about people who are here at NMU, I don't see them nearly enough
-Once again, I will mention how far people will reverse their way of life, for some sort of delusioned reality, from which they think they are truly happy. Everyone will figure it out eventually, I hope they don't cry when they do.
-Still haven't decided if I want to at least try and pursue an RD job here at Northern. I think it would be a blast, and not to mention a free master's...beat that.

Current Mood-Words can't describe
Current Songs-Linkin Park Meteora (the whole CD)

REFLECTIONS-1 of 4

Tonight, as I walked through the Gant/Spalding courtyard, I looked up at the sky and saw that there were no stars twinkling in the sky. The moon was bright as can be, and set the clouds near it alight. The wind picked up, sending hovering "dusts" of snow along the sidewalk, along with the whirlpool of leaves around me. I thought to myself only one thought, and it isn't what anyone, including myself, would have thought it would be--nothing to do with women, friends, annoyances, or anything of the like. It was a feeling I'd had before. Something I know my friend Greg can back me up on...I don't belong here.

Don't get me wrong. I love NMU possibly more than anyone else on this campus. To many students, Northern is a place they'll make friends, get a degree or learn life skills. To me it has always been so much more. I have lived the true Northern experience. I know that I have accomplished more than 99 % of the students here at Northern in my time. But that's my point, my time is almost up. As a fifth year senior, there are few things I haven't done here. I have more credits than most students on campus, and my resume shows more Northern effort than any student here. But...I don't fit. I'm not a young guy, learning things as I go day to day to class. I'm not a junior or senior, giving advice to those who are just coming in. I've been here five years. That means I'm old enough that all the people who lived here when I moved in are gone. To those of you who haven't been here five years, stop and think about that. With the exception of about 4 or so people, EVERYONE I saw when I came to Northern is gone. That's an odd feeling.

As I was saying when I talked to Greg, we decided we were at the odd stage in life, too old for college, but too young to be in our case, teachers. I'm just at 'that' age. Soon this will all be over, and to be honest...I think I'm ready. And that frightens me just as much. The real world. A real job. I'm ready. I've matured.

I got another odd notion this past week, and it caused a lot of heartache. The notion of being single. Now anyone who has ever known me, knows that I have a hard time being single, always have. As most of you probably know, I've been dating a great girl for the last week. It just kinda happened, and we ran with it. Well, as I said, I got the notion that I wanted to be single...one thing led to another and I'm single again. I don't know what I want in that point in my life at this point. Love is good. But I have to be sure, or else I'll not have my entire heard in on it. I have many problems, most of all stemming from being crushed earlier this year. I'm sure all of you know what I'm talking about there, but fact is since then I sometimes struggle until I find something wrong with everyone. I just don't fully trust the world as I once did. I don't believe in it anymore. I was naive and got hurt very badly from it. All the girls I've dated, or gone on dates with this year have all had to deal with a version of myself who is nothing like the one that used to exist-at least when it comes to relationships. I don't know what life holds for any of us at this point, but I do know that I have no idea where it is taking me. I know that its broken me once. If emotional pain could be measured in physical terms, I don't know that I wouldn't be in a coma the rest of my life.

I don't know if anyone actually reads these or not, but I've never had a response. If you wish to respond click on the link above or just mail elhijodelosvampiros@hotmail.com

laters and love to all, if you liked this or want to know more, REFLECTION parts II and III are coming soon with IV to follow. But the CD is over, and so am I...laters all.

~Cody

Come back for REFLECTIONS part II-Lindsay, and part III-Michelle coming VERY soon.
Part IV-Finale to follow.